Enduring Churches Podcast with Alan and Trent

The Big Thing - It’s not okay to be on different pages

 

A or T: You both mentioned this as your biggest issues? Why is that so important?

Are both of you called and committed to the ministry?

 

Unique that both need a sense of calling, but only one is on staff

 

Time Matters

Rachelle: The importance of engaged time at home.

• We know wives need to realize they will share their husbands with the church family.

Dana: Protect couple time and family time. Go on dates and family vacations.

•     Mission trips are not vacations.

•     Walmart and hospital visits....lol

 

Serve the church

Church member expectations?

 

Encourage your spouse to focus on their strengths and spiritual giftedness.

    Do not feel pressured to take on ministry projects just because someone in your church thinks you should. Delegate.

 

Survival Tips:

 

• Protect your children from expectations and from hearing conversations.

 

• Pray for one another and pray together.

 

• Have a teachable spirit.

 

• Be willing to ask for help when you need it. Find mentors and/or counselors who can bring an objective viewpoint.

 

• It's ok to make friends and enjoy them.

Episode 22: The Pastor’s Kid

Special Guest Jacque Young

 

Your Kids are Not on Staff/I “Voluntold” You 

• It's good for them to be involved 

• You can teach them 

• You can't force them 

• You should ask their permission 

 

God, Family, then Church/Prioritizing 

• Church is not God 

• God made you head of this family, so you have a responsibility to it 

• Don't leave your kids without a father by being absent all the time 

• Don't breed resentment in your own family by over scheduling them or you 

• Teach them to love and serve God, but try not to take them on a mission trip for every birthday 

 

Things Your Kids Want You to Know 

• They're human 

• They need you 

• You can't protect them from everything 

• They don't want to be a sermon prop 

• They want to make you proud 

• They're proud of you 

Episodes 19 & 20: Calling a pastor

 

How does your church define the process?

 

Have a meeting to decide some important issues

pastors in the past 

1. good pastors - what did they do
2. not good pastors - what did they do

 

The tendency is to swing from one extreme to another

 

Characteristics that you feel are important

• Defined by church bylaws
• Defined by the search team

 

Character qualities you want to see in the pastor

How does family affirm and support ministry? (Character qualities of wife)

 

Set clear expectations

• Are your expectations for a pastor realistic?
  • There are no 30 year old pastors with 40 years of experience in churches larger than yours
• Look the person before you listen to the preacher

Set a clear process you can communicate with all candidates clearly.

• Everyone who submits a resume deserves a response
• Be clear and gracious to those interested
• Eliminate most without asking for additional information
• Be careful interupting another church with your search team.

 

Be completely transparent about your church

• What are the issues in your church
• don't hide things that are going on now or have happened in the past

 

Keep your search committee together for a year to serve as the mediator with your new pastor

1. meet once a month and talk about how things are going
2. be the first line of defense for your pastor family

 

Remember you are inviting a leader to fulfill the church’s vision, not your own.

Episode 18: How to Deal with Cliques

What is a clique?

• It's a closed group that has the intent of being an open group.
  • Is it just an affinity group?
  • ask yourself "is it really a clique or am I just feeling left out?
  • If it truly is a clique - are they helping the ministry of the church or hurting it?
• Most cliques start with a group of people with good intentions.
  • by common interests and a desire for fellowship
  • Small groups being the easiest culptrit
  • Committees, women’s/men’s ministry teams...
  • Student groups
  • Worship teams 
• Cliques are huge deterrent to ministry and church growth

 

• How can we help remove them?
  • Build groups with plans to grow
  • Have honest conversations with ministry leaders?
  • Create opportunities that cause groups to become flexible naturally…
    • get groups interacting with other groups
    • Do planned outreach events
  • Make continual pathways for new groups to form
    • Look for new leaders from existing groups
  • Make sure you are not part of one

Episode 17: Pastoring A Family Run Church

 

How does a family get into places of power in a church?

 

1. They are often faithful givers
2. They are often willing servers
3. They are often strong relationally

 

Which of the characteristics do you not want?

 

When does it become a problem?

 

1. When giving has conditions
2. When service isn't shared
3. When relationships are severed
4. When there is a leadership void -churches that change pastors a lot often have this dynamic.

 

How to deal with the dynamic:

 

1. Identify them quickly. Easy notice who people look at when groups enter the building. Notice who always has people around them.
2. Be able to identify your vision clearly.
3. Build relationships with all people, but build bridges to the family of influence.
4. Whenever a leadership void opens, fill it with someone outside the family as quickly as possible.
5. See warning signs of potential trouble and work to align the family with the church' vision.
6. Be patient. In the first 5 years, you will likely not have more influence than the family. Beyond the first 5 years, you begin to gain the credibility.
7. Avoid backbiting and when necessary hold your ground.

Episode 16: Focus on the Positive

 

Proverbs 18:19   An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars. 

 

 

If you live by the praise of people - you will die by their criticism

 

Products of positivity

1. peace
2. forgiveness
3. opportunity
   1. to encourage your church family
   2. to show your faith and strength in a deeper way to your church family
4. Sleep

 

How to maintain your positivity

1. Give thanks for those you have that are living out Jesus
2. Sundays - always say thank you to those who serve
3. Remind your folks that you trust in God and not in men
4. Change your expectations - expect things to go right and well

Episode 15: Don't Count Me Out

 

Start the conversation in your church

Can we include those with disabilities in ministry

 

Here is the major question you have to wrestle with  - will our church do "Ministry to" or "Ministry team"

 

Where to start

1. Start with a conversation  -

• Make sure to have a line of communication with family members 
• Have those with limitations - take you on a tour of your church

Work on access - make your buildings accessible

• all on one level
• Ramps and elevators - legal issues in new buildings
• playgrounds
• bathrooms
• wide doors
• Certain paint colors and media issues

Invite those folks to participate and make it possible

• We have started with children - making it easy for them to participate in musicals 
• Camp - whole nutha animal 
• Adults - its harder to get them involved - but ask and don't give up

Our goal is to create as many pathways for service as possible

 

 

Love 1 God

Love All People - who in your church is underserved?