Episode 170: All the Premarital Stuff

Episode 170: All the Premarital Stuff

 

Had a conversation with a pastor - He was preparing for a wedding - Many pastors don't do weddings enough to have a plan - So here is a plan!

 

Why Pre-marital counseling is important

1. Deal with issues now that would cause fights later
2. Opportunity to make sure the couple is "evenly yoked" (2 Corinthians 6:14)
   1. if not share Jesus with them both
3. Develop a relationship so they feel they have someone to turn to later when they are struggling.
4. Very few couples have godly marriages to mentor them. Even kids who grew up in Christian homes may not have had parents who were intentional about training them how to be a godly husband/wife.
5. Even if you do not want to do the counseling for the couple, you must encourage them to seek counseling from a Christian counselor or another pastor. You will still need to meet with them to plan the ceremony.

 

When should premarital counseling begin?

1. The answer to this relates to the next question but recommend 3 months before wedding
2. Pastor in Colorado who does pre-engagement counseling. If you haven't done counseling with him before you get engaged, he won't do your wedding. His reason is that once a couple is engaged, it is nearly impossible to tell them they shouldn't get married if you feel they are incompatible.

 

How many sessions?

1. Recommend 6 sessions if this is the first marriage for both.
2. Recommend 8 sessions if this is not the first marriage for either.
   1. Mention Bill and Jen Rogers Stepfamily Mission Possible ministry. [Link to Episode 157] Many stepfamily couples will benefit from hearing from couples who have been through similar circumstances.

 

What should happen during a counseling session?

1. Sessions should only last 1 hour
   1. 30 minutes for ceremony planning - remind them that this is their ceremony - not mom's
   2. 30 minutes for counseling ( some issues may come up during the ceremony planning that may uncover a counseling need)

 

What tools should we use?

Trent and Dana (I recommend that you include your spouse) recommend the SYMBIS tool. [Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott symbis.com] We have our own schedule but SYMBIS helps you keep a schedule and make sure you have input from the couple and that you cover all the relevant topics.

• • Communication
  • Conflict
  • Finances
  • Sex
  • Expectations
  • In-laws
  • Spirituality
  • Friends
  • Common interests

 

Wedding rehearsal - tips to keep it from being a circus

1. Please have a rehearsal with all the folks who will be involved in the ceremony.
2. If possible have the rehearsal after the rehearsal dinner. 
3. Rehearsal should only last 30 minutes
   1. introduce yourself to family and wedding party - then pray
   2. place everyone on the stage and get bride's approval for placement of people
   3. practice leaving
   4. practice entering and getting into place
   5. talk through schedule and make sure everyone knows what they are doing (rings, handing off bouquet etc)
   6. If you have the ceremony planned before hand with the couple - this will go smoothly - the rehearsal is not the time to make decisions. 
   7. If one of the "moms" tries to make changes - simply respond with "I appreciate your ideas but this is how the couple would like things to happen." 
   8. last thing is to tell everyone what time to be there for pictures and ask who will bring the marriage license

 

Wedding day

1. check in with Bridal party
2. check in with groom dudes
3. Make sure rings and marriage license are there
4. make sure you have all that you need including printed ceremony and mic if necessary
5. after the ceremony, sign the marriage license and talk to the couple about their plan for filing it with the county clerk

SYMBIS Pre-marital Assessment

 

Our Interview with Bill and Jenn Rogers

 

Contact Alan: alan@dtbatogether.com

Contact Trent: gasconadevalleybaptist@gmail.com

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